Toes, Mass and the end of the World.

Ring, Ring. Hello, “Hi Tom. What’s the weather like out there?” It’s dark, I respond. It’s, it’s eh, 4:30AM. “You must be really having a Great time, up at this time… Hold on M wants you. Glad you’re enjoying yourself”. Eh, I’m asleep ! No answer… I’m obviously on Hold. “Hi Tom, G says you’re having a great time. Lucky you. What can I do for you?” Uh, You phoned me ! “You’re a terrible man. Did you get Fed-Ex to deliver that back to Dublin?”  But, I told J that I sent it Monday. Should be delivered Thursday, that’s tomorrow. “You’re funny, that’s today. Read your Blog the other day and looking forward to seeing that haircut. It sounds rough.” By now I am convinced I’ve been dreaming. A nightmare actually. OK, I say well work hard, see you guys… sometime. “OK, Thanks for calling.” …….

Toes with his Hat

The day after the World was supposed to end at 6PM here in Texas, we headed to Sunday Mass at St Joseph’s Church in Spring Branch. As Toe’s (my grandchild) Dad flew back to Dublin on business the day before, the question was whether to bring Toes, as he’s only 16 months old. We decided to risk it. Toes had acquired his first Cowboy Hat a few days previous and insisted on wearing it. This is the child that had refused to wear a hat or cap since birth but had decided to look like Grandad. So into the Church we went just before 10. After a little persuasion he handed me his hat and we put it beside mine, on the seat beside us. When Fr Jimmy, an ex-cop called all the children onto the alter a few minutes later Toes wanted to go up so his Mum brought him. Of course when there he sat beside a good-looking Blonde and pushed Mum away. So, Mum returned to sit beside me and Toe’s Uncle. We were apprehensive as Toes can sometimes Yell, Scream, Cry and suchlike but he was behaving himself and obviously falling in love with the Blonde Girl beside him. Not ever an utterance of his only word ‘Assse’.

Fr Jimmy told of his experiences the previous day. He asked the children what a priest wears. Black trousers, back Shirt, and Roman Collar. He said he was so dressed when he went into the HEB Store (like Tescos except about 50 times larger) to get some groceries. He had decided to take a short-cut through the Wine and Beer Section where he was stopped in his tracks by a young lady. “Hey Father. Don’t you know the World is going to end at 6PM tonight?” He replied that No, he didn’t think it would. The young lady engaged in conversation on this subject with him for some time when he noticed a large crowd had gathered. One lady asked him what time Mass was at. He replied 5PM. She asked him would he not start it at 5:30 so that everyone would be in the Church come 6PM. Fr Jimmy replied that she obviously had not attended one of his Masses as he’s only be about half way through by 6 ! Then a group of young Guys who were buying beer to take with them Tubing (They sit in the tube of a car tyre and raft down the rivers) asked him to Bless Them. Fr Jimmy obliged and a few minutes later observed them leaving and one guy says to the other, ‘Hurry up Guys, it’s 2 now. We only have 4 hours left”. Fr Jimmy concluded that being dressed in full Catholic Priest Uniform walking through your local HEB on the Day the World is supposed to end, is not a great idea !

To be fair to Toes he was very good. Never uttered a word, well that’s a slight lie but was so very well-behaved. Well, I am the proud Grandad.

We just got a phone call from a friend’s wife saying that the snake that had taken up residence in their pond was just seen with her daughters pet Frog in his mouth. ‘C’ has now resorted to hitting said snake on the head to try to rescue the frog while daughter (6) is going berserk. It could only happen in Texas !

LegalEagleStar , Friday , 10th. June 2011

San Antonio, Texas.